Hire an Elf

John Swartzwelder is a reclusive writer best known for writing a huge amount of the strongest early Simpsons episodes. He also wrote for Saturday Night Live. Now he writes novels.

The myth around him is almost as engaging as his writing. There are few photos of him. Hardcore fans were unconvinced he was real for a while, and thought he was a pen name used when multiple writers wrote an episode. He wrote from home, or a booth in a diner, instead of the writers room. Some stories say it was so he could smoke while writing. When that diner closed, he bought the booth so he could write at home in his preferred environment. And other Simpsons writers have said that his scripts were the ones that went through the least amount rewriting by the rest of the writers. Part of that was because his scripts were so tightly packed with jokes and so delicately put together that removing one would fall the rest of the episode to fall apart.

His writing process involves getting the idea out quick. Finish the first draft as fast as possible. Then work deeper in the rewrite.

Swartzwelder would approach the first draft script as simply as possible with placeholder dialogue of, for example, Marge telling Homer not to do something and Homer replying ok. It’s obviously dialogue that won’t stay. But it gets the idea out and the script done.

In one of the few interviews with him, he explains why his wrote this way.

“Then the next day, when I get up, the script’s been written,” he said. “It’s lousy, but it’s a script. The hard part is done. It’s like a crappy little elf has snuck into my office and badly done all my work for me, and then left with a tip of his crappy hat. All I have to do from that point on is fix it. So I’ve taken a very hard job, writing, and turned it into an easy one, rewriting, overnight. I advise all writers to do their scripts and other writing this way. And be sure to send me a small royalty every time you do it.”

First drafts are sketches. Maps to where you want to go. A guide of where you want the story and characters to travel.

Get it out fast that first time, and then invest in the details.